Well, dang it, I was hopeful.

The first three days of acupuncture, my body systems took notice. I was able to stand from a sitting position without hurting, get up out of the car and walk without a limp, and sleep gloriously through the night. For two nights.

After the second night, I woke up in a some discomfort, and that has regressed back to the whole “me crying out to God, begging him to heal me and asking why” wakefulness in which no position is free of excruciating pain. In fact, last night (this morning, actually, at 4ish AM), I iced my back for the first time. It didn’t help. It made it hurt worse.

So, once again, I’m finishing out this pre-paid month’s worth of treatments pretty hopeless about their long-term efficacy. During the first week, I felt so much better, I was cautiously optimistic that by Easter, I’d be nearly back to normal. This does not appear to be the case.

A weird thing happened on Monday: The acupuncture practitioner put a needle in the back of my right hand and it HURT. Not like acupuncture-needle-entering-skin hurt, but “that ain’t right” hurt. He noticed me wince and apologized, pulling it right back out and putting it in a different place. What’s weird is that it left a hole in my hand, and usually the needles enter and exit without a mark (except for some redness if one of them uses rubbing alcohol).

Also, the difference in this gentleman and his wife are interesting: She is much more, “Does that hurt yet? No? What about NOW?” than he is.

It’s an interesting system, and I did get relief at the front end. I just think I need to accept that this pain is too big for relief until it’s healed, and I can’t anticipate when that will be. Wanting “better” is driving me crazy, and I have to stop trying to worry about the fact that I can’t touch my toes or lean to the left and grab my left foot when I do the splits, that I can’t dash across a crosswalk at the last minute unless I’ve been standing and walking for a long time, that I want desperately to sit on the couch beside my man and I just can’t swing that. I have to stop thinking about what I’ve lost and celebrate what I do have.

Because I think I’m in this for the long haul.