Typically, I sleep by myself. This week, however, I’ve been snoozing in the same room as Daphne and she pointed out to me (in a rather startling manner by standing over me early one morning in order to rouse me) that I might snore the teensiest little bit.

Since I have nothing to which to compare this, I will assume that it could be because I haven’t used my inhaler this entire trip (and, yes, I realize this means that I need to get rid of the cats but that is not going to happen) and therefore my airways aren’t as wide open as they would be at home. Or, to add another layer of rationalization about my night gurglings, this could also be because I am sleeping a lot more or a lot harder here than when I’m not on vacation.

Whichever the case might be, I don’t snore!

Hypothetically, however, let’s say that I did and that I wanted to do something about it.

Several years ago, when my ex-husband had this issue to earthquake-level proportions, he purchased some Breathe Right spray. It lubricated the throat, opening all of that up and keeping it from slamming against each other, making irritating-to-everyone-else noises. It does not appear to be sold any longer because I’ve looked and would have bought some.

Honestly, my level of irritation about others’ snoring is the main reason I don’t want to snore. Plus, snoring is something that old men in recliners do. Not delicate jeweled flowers like me.

But I digress.

Last night, I remembered that I had a couple of Breathe Right Strips in my purse that I had received in a sample pack several months ago. This is one reason my purse is so big. I have everything in there. Mini-toothbrushes, breath spray, French-fry-flavored lip balm, gas pills, a tiny tube of toothpaste, cold sore cream, scissors, two different asthma inhalers (one old school OTC kind in case someone else needs it), a multi-sized memory card reader, coupons, camera, pens, make-up, tissues, mini-business cards that I have never given anyone for James’s and my website, etc.

I found one of the strips and decided to try to use it and see what it would do.

Observation 1 – You know how, when you put on a pair of novelty over-sized glasses for a photo opportunity, the bridge of your nose itches and tingles to the point that your eyes water? That is how it feels to put on a Breathe Right Nasal Strip. Bear in mind that I wear glasses approximately four hours per day. This is a completely different monster. Had I not been so tired, I doubt I could have gone to sleep with the irritation.

Observation 2 – I could tell that it did open up the upper part of my nasal passages. I also suspect that my snoring comes from farther back in my throat, not my schnoz, but it eliminated a lot of the low-level friction sound (it is *not* whistling, so do not call it that!) that sometimes accompanies prone breathing when I’m a bit stuffed up (which means “situation normal”).

Observation 3 – I laid on my left side all night, no tossing or turning. When I woke up at 6ish, the plastic ribbing that pulls open the nostrils had torn away from the adhesive and was uselessly poking up into the air. I tried to push it back down, but I suppose that once the adhesive lets loose, it’s worthless. I have no idea how long ago this had happened, but I am fairly certain that I woke myself up snoring.

Observation 4 – Daphne said that I was snoring when she woke up. A dainty, princess-worthy snore, mind you. But snoring nonetheless. Again, I woke up at 8:40 after having gone to sleep well before midnight, so there’s something else going on that is either making me exceptionally tired or wherein I am catching up on the sleep I do not get at home.

Observation 5 – Earlier today, James had tried to scrape something off of the side of my nose and it didn’t occur to me until I was putting on my make-up what it was. It looked like I had gotten a sunburn and my nose was peeling. This is not the case, as I haven’t seen the sun most of this week. It was the adhesive left behind from the nasal strip! I pulled and scraped it off, but it left my nose red from “attention.” It’s still a tad sticky, and my powder is a funky.

In the final assessment: For free, this was a neat experiment. I don’t think I’d pay for the Breathe Right strips, though. They didn’t prevent me from snoring, they fell apart during the night, and it was a pain to get the gunk off of my nose.

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