Yesterday, I stumbled upon the website for Gourdough’s. Actually, it was pretty straightforward. I searched for “best Austin doughnuts” and that was the first return. Their tagline is “Big. Fat. Doughnuts.”

And they have an offering called Mother Clucker, which is a doughnut with chicken strips and honey butter. It’s like chicken and waffles, but with a DOUGHNUT instead. Oh my goodness, who’d have thought that the chicken and waffle idea could be improved upon?!

Thoughts of these things jammed my brain, creating an obsession I knew would not wane until it was sated. Thus, after my shower this morning (and, yes, before hair-fixing or make-up or anything more than the bare minimum to ensure modesty in public), we headed over to South First.

We knew that these doughnuts were going to be big. We knew we’d be pushing it to eat just one. But there were so many from which to choose that we each picked two, figuring we’d nosh all day.

Daphne picked the Funky Monkey and Black Out. My choices were the Mother Clucker and the PB&J. Unfortunately, they didn’t have any chicken yet (even if they had, this particular doughnut takes 20 minutes to prepare… and I had been more than willing to wait). Given my propensity toward bacon doughnuts, I opted for the Flying Pig.

As we were ordering, the employee gave some people who were waiting their doughnuts, and we kind of giggled at how big they were. So when she asked if we wanted ours to go, I said, “Yes.” There was no way we could tackle those in any meaningful way sitting out there for half an hour or less.

At this point, we realized (my not having thoroughly read the website the night before, honing instead in on the options available to cram in my gullet) that this isn’t a trailer full of doughnuts sitting around in a case waiting to be picked. They are making these things when you order them.

Fifteen minutes later, we left with a small grocery bag stacked with four foam boxes laden with fried sugary goodness, challenged by the drive home without preview-tasting.

Daphne held the doughnuts for a while, then I took a turn. It was then that I noticed how warm the contents of these boxes were. They didn’t just top the doughnuts while we were there. They fried them at that moment. I couldn’t imagine the mess we’d end up with once we got back to the trailer, but I was excited to check it out!

Sure enough, by the time we got home, a lot of the icing had melted. The toppings had shifted somewhat, and everything was dizzyingly heavenly.

If you want to see the official “straight from the kitchen” version of these doughnuts, then you can click on the links above. What follows is the toppings and then a cutaway of each of our choices, warm and drippy and lavishly, knee-weakeningly fabulous.

PB&J – topped with peanut butter icing, peanut butter chips, and jelly stripes…

… also filled with jelly!

Flying Pig – maple icing and bacon!

Lots and lots of bacon.

Black Out! Brownie batter, fudge icing, chocolate-covered brownie bites.

On top of a doughnut. Trust me; there’s a doughnut under all of that.

Funky Monkey – grilled bananas with cream cheese frosting and brown sugar.

Grilling bananas before you throw them on a fried dough bed? Yessir!

I didn’t read anything to this extent, but it feels and tastes like the doughnuts’ bottoms are double fried. Kind of like when you eat frites, how they’re fried like our French fries, but then once they’re fried, they get fried *again* just to be extra crispy? The tops of the doughnuts were tender and soft, and the bottoms were crispier, which was good… it was necessary to be able to get a fork up under the structure and move it in any way that didn’t involve dribbling doughnut goo into one’s lap.

I sampled all of these. I think D only ate the Black Out. How far did we get before we cried “Uncle!” and saved the rest for later?

Not very far!

But since you’re looking at $20 in doughnuts, I’m glad we’ll be able to stretch it out to three or four days’ worth of breakfast!

We will definitely be back. My goal is to try every one of these. Lunch will be the chicken and the Boss Hog, which has pulled pork and potato salad. I even want to try the couple with jalapeno jelly.

I think the lesson here is that if you put it on a doughnut, I will eat it. Happily.