Here’s a little something you might not know about me… I fancy myself to be quite the writer. Typically, I can put together a page or two of content. I’ve written two full-length young adult books; a children’s book; a movie screenplay; about fifty short-format skits; two or three incomplete books; innumerable newsletters, programs, fliers, and brochures… I write.

But what I’d really like to do is direct.

That’s a lie. I don’t like directing at all!

What I’d really love to be able to do is to write songs. The main problem with this desire is that I cannot read music. At all. I can’t write it, either. Nor can I play an instrument. Or sing, really. I mean, there are those three notes I can hit, but that’s excruciatingly limiting when one is trying to compose.

I was going through my computer files this evening, looking for something, when I found several bits of songs I’d started but never finished.

Oh, and, you know what? The fact that song lyrics sometimes rhyme gets me, too. Most poetry is contrived and predictable. So I struggle with either making the songs contrived and predictable, or trying something more flashy and experimental and ending up with garbage.

Without further ado, however, here is some detritus of my song-writing attempts that I found on my hard drive.

MOVING ON/LETTING GO
Head above water for the first time in weeks
I’m finding myself now, had forgotten who I am
I wish that time could heal this wound
But time is not my friend
The only thing that’s saving me
Is that I see the end

Never imagined that leaving would be the cure
I thought if I stayed, you’d love me one day
I was so sure
But now I know I can’t just watch
Your life from over here
Since you won’t change and I can’t change
The only choice is clear

CHORUS
I’m moving on to let you go
Wish I could stay but now I know
That though my life is anchored to this town
All I see is you when I look around
And since I can’t say a proper good-bye unless I’m gone
I’m letting go by moving on

———————————————

BEAUTIFUL FOR YOU
The place is packed when I walk in
And all our friends are there
They’re hugging me and saying things
But I don’t ever care
I scan the room and meet your eyes
The smile you flash me is the prize
“You’re beautiful,” you whisper low
I wonder if you know that

CHORUS
If I’m beautiful, I’m beautiful for you
And if I’m going somewhere, I hope it’s where you’re going, too…
I’ve dreamed before, but now my dreams are all coming true
You’re the why, the how, and the who
‘Cause if I’m beautiful, I’m beautiful for you.

I don’t need praise, applause or fame
Whatever I may do
‘Cause if I’m good at anything
It’s all because of you
You always have believed in me
And seen the things that I don’t see
So I don’t care about the crowd
I want to make you proud

CHORUS

BRIDGE
And in your eyes I clearly see
The things I never thought could be
My wishes all are satisfied
When you stand at my side

CHORUS

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Then here are some sad attempts at actual poetry that I found:
I never knew what sadness was
Until you made me smile
And never felt true loneliness
Before you sat here for a while

But now you’re gone and now it’s dark
And now I’m all alone
My eyes are full, my hands are empty
And my heart is stone

————————————————

There is a place, sacred and secret,
Where I have kept stored away a treasure.
So many years had passed since it saw
The light of day.
I had almost forgotten about it.
I wasn’t sure whether or not it still worked.
But something about you called it forth…
I had no choice…
I had to find it.
I had to uncover it.
I needed to share it with you.
Through the cluttered detritus of my past,
I rummaged.
It took some searching, but I found it.
The box was a little beaten up,
But the seal was tight.
I knew I had kept it well-preserved.
When I moved to open it,
I was surprised how easily the container gave way.
It was as if it knew you were waiting
And it wanted to get to you as soon as it could.
As I unwrapped it,
Some of the packing material fell away:
Hope, and romance, and other things I’d forgotten about
Fluttered to the ground like ribbons,
Remnants of a time when I believed in that kind of thing.
Reminders of the events that had convinced me
To hide it all in a safe place, out of the way,
Maybe forever.
But now, how excitement caused my fingers to tremble
As I removed it from its cloistered storage.
I was overjoyed with surprise that it still looked whole.
It still worked.
It was still alive,
Even after all of those years of neglect and darkness.
It was my heart… still beating.
And when you were around,
It sounded a tattoo.
Health and vitality…
Reunion in use with hope and romance…
Oh, how I rejoiced with my heart
Over these new opportunities.
Without reservation,
I handed it to you.
For a moment, cradled it to yourself,
Lovingly, tenderly…
And then the first storm rolled in.
You tried for a moment or two to hold on.
But you were afraid.
Afraid of being caught with it.
Afraid of dropping it.
Afraid of everything.
So you handed it back
With your sincerest apologies.
Only now, it won’t go quietly back into its place.
Now that it has seen the light of day
And felt the breath of life
And beat like crazy…
It fights.
It scratches and tears at me
When I try to stuff it away.
It is exhausted, and ill-looking, and no longer welcome.
But it will not go away.
It just keeps trying, ever so desperately,
To crawl back to you.
Because that is where it is home.

———————————————-

LET ME IN

Standing outside the circle
Watching your life
Always observing
Never participating

———————————————

I held my heart out to you, but you weren’t ready.
You didn’t say, “No,” but you couldn’t say, “Yes.”
So I stand, and I wait, and I try to hold steady
When you can receive it is anyone’s guess.

———————————————

If life is a song, I want us to harmonize it
If life is a dream, I want to realize it with you
It’s true…

But this is not a song
And these are not my dreams
And everything is pulling, ripping at the seams

When all I ever wanted was a chance to make it work,
I know that we’ll never… I know it can’t ever…
It’s probably time to stop being a jerk

Because what this is, it’s not romance
We’ll never get to take that chance
No, this is more like reality TV
Where everyone is stupid…
Including me.

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